He Rehabilitates Dogs and Trains People:

Regular readers know I’m a big fan of National Geographic’s Dog Whisperer and have written several posts inspired by the show. So when I got the chance to to meet Cesar Millan at Grand Central Station, I had to talk with my boss.

I entered his office and closed the door behind me, which is the rule whenever there's something to discuss.

“Yeah Lodo,” my boss asked as he gestured for me to take a seat and continued to type on his computer, “what is it?”

“There’s an errand I wanna run at lunch that may take a bit longer than my hour.”

“...Yeah.”

“..So I was wondering if I went 15 minutes or so over if it’d be a problem.”

My boss continued to type.

“An hour’s not enough time for lunch?”

“Sure it is,” I answered, “except,..I was hoping I could run this errand.”

My boss typed for a few more seconds before before he turned to face me. He placed his elbows on his desk and formed his huge dark fingers into a tent.

“Is this going to be a ‘Jeff Beck 15 minutes’ where you’re gone all day?--or a 15 minutes 15 minutes?” he asked.

I laughed.

“Welll,..its not Jeff Beck. I can tell you that.”

My boss and I locked eyes 'til he waved me out the office.

“...You can take an extra half-an-hour if you need it.”

So I hustled up to Grand Central and got in the long line to meet Cesar Millan.
I know for sure there were 450 people in line since I overheard the store’s cashier mention it to Cesar’s promotion person. “We sold all 450,” she told her (meaning 450 copies of Cesar's magazine). I also know that there were a total of (4) people behind me, so 450 - 4 = ....one late motherfucker Lodo.

But I didn’t sweat it. Instead I used the time to work on my presentation. I had an idea for a Dog Whisperer segment that I wanted to pitch to Cesar. A good idea inspired by my dog Spiffy.

That said, I know how these Hollywood and TV types work. They want everything in 25 words or less.

So as I stood 446th in line I worked on my pitch, which I finally whittled down to:

“Hey Cesar, I’m sure everyone hassles you with their ideas, but my dog Spiffy has no interest in other dogs. I take her to the dog-park and she won’t even look at them. She just stands there fixated on me, hoping I’ll throw a ball. Maybe you could do a segment about how to get dogs like her interested in other dogs, if that’s even possible.”

Over 25 words, I know; but I had it down. I practiced it there in-line even while others tried to engage me in small talk or show me their dog pics. I planned to jump right into it as I approached.

Hey Cesar, I’m sure everyone hassles you with their ideas, but my dog...

Cesar was gonna sign autographs at Grand Central from 12:00 to 2:00 p.m. I’d left my office at noon and my cellphone read 1:40 by the time Cesar’s promo person/assistant waved me forward. Whatever. From what I saw of the people in front of me, I only had about 20 seconds to get a picture, make my pitch, and have him sign my magazine.

Despite the late hour, I reminded myself to stay focused as Cesar’s assistant gestured me to approach. To my surprise, Cesar immediately stood-up from behind the autograph table and extended his hand for a firm shake.

“How do you do?” he asked from behind clear eyes.

“Great Cesar, I’m a big fan. I think I’ve seen every show.”

“Oh thanks man!” he said with a wide, bright smile and a friendly clasp of my shoulder.

“Yeah sure. So anyway, I’m sure everyone hassles you...”

“Come here,” Cesar motioned as he led me toward the autograph table. He took a seat and grabbed a pen off the table in the same motion.

“What’s your name?” he asked me.

“Lodo,” I answered as I watched him remove the cap. “..Listen, I’m sure everyone hassles you with their...”

“Logo? How do I spell that?” he asked as he prepared to sign my magazine.

“It’s Lodo--not Logo. L-O-D-O.”

“Oh--Lodo! Okay.”

“Yeah, thanks. So,..anyway. I’m sure everyone hassl...”

“Lodo? Do you mind if I ask you the origin of that name? I’ve never heard that before.”

“Well, actually, it’s what my friends call me. I guess you could say I earned that name.”

“Okay. I can respect that. But where does it come from? What’s its meaning?”

“Well, its a spot in Denver where I spent a lot of time. I guess you could say my full name is Lower Downtown.”

“Oh--Lower Downtown. That’s a very powerful connotation. I think I can see that in you too. Very interesting name.”

“Oh wow!--thanks so much ..Anyway, I’m sure everyone hassles you with their ideas, but my dog...”

“Oh, do you have an idea?” Cesar’s assistant asked as Cesar and I stood for a photo.

“Yeah, I do” I answered as the picture was taken.

With that Cesar gave me another strong handshake and a soft, reassuring push as he returned to his position behind the autograph table; but his assistant motioned me forward, toward her.

“Come here,” she said with an animated hand gesture much like I use to call my dog Spiffy, “so we can create some space for the next person.”

So I walked toward her--to the side of the table, prepared to pitch my idea to Cesar when the assistant suddenly--very deftly, stepped in front of me. It was smooth, the way she created a buffer between myself and Cesar’s table. No sooner had I recognized what happened then a security guard approached.

“Did you get your magazine signed?” he asked me.

“Yeah,” the assistant told him, before I could respond. “He’s good.”

My jaw dropped, but I wasn’t mad. I’ve been in similar situations before--I just didn’t realize what it was 'til then.

The assistant and I made eye contact. Even shared a tacit smile. She knew I recognized what she’d done, even as she took time to usher the next person behind me out the door.

EPILOGUE:

It was close to 2:00 when I got back to the office. I tried to slide into my cubicle unnoticed, but no sooner had I sat down then my telephone rang. The display window showed my boss’ extension, so I picked up.

“This is Lodo.”

“Get in here.”

I walked to my boss’ office and closed the door. To my surprise two other members of my unit were seated as well.

“Nice of you to join us,” my boss said.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” I answered, “I didn’t know there was a meeting.”

“It was unannounced,” my boss replied as he pushed a chair in my direction, “something’s come up.”

My pockets were full since I hadn’t had a chance to empty them, so before I sat down I pulled out my cellphone and camera and placed them on the edge of his desk.

“What’s this? my boss asked as he snatched my camera with one of his long arms. I went to grab it--just out of reflex; but its a company camera and technically not my property. I had to concede it to him.

“I took my camera with me is all,” I answered.

“I thought you said this wasn’t about Jeff Beck,” he said with a laugh.

“It wasn’t.” I answered.

My boss fiddled with the camera until it was obvious the image had appeared. His face displayed a confused countenance.

“Who’s this?” he asked.

“Its Ces...”

“Not you,” he snapped at me as he handed the camera to my co-worker Cindy. “You know who that is? he asked her.

“Oh my God!” she shrieked. “Isn’t that The Dog Whisperer from TV?” she asked.

“Who?!” my boss asked as he grabbed the camera back to look again.

“Cesar Millan,” I answered.

“He’s a dog trainer,” Cindy added. “They call him The Dog Whisperer. He’s really famous.”

“Dog trainer, eh?” my boss mused as he reluctantly handed the camera to my other co-worker.

“Actually, he’s not a trainer,” I responded. “He’s a behaviorist. That’s what he says at the start of every show. He says ‘he rehabilitates dogs and he trains people.”

My boss laughed.

“And is that what he does Lodo?”

A vision of Ceser mind-flashed in my head. The reassuring pat on the back as he sent me on my way. His assistant’s gesturing me to approach.

“Oh yeah,” I answered “...he’s got the whole thing down.”



* NOTE: To any readers that expected Part 5 of my series on Detroit, I'm definitely gonna come back to it. But earlier in this post I mentioned how my boss called that unplanned meeting. Things are definitely afoot. Sooo,...lets just say change of plans!

My boss looks a lot like NBA legend Darryl Dawkins: